Imaginary Socialite

And they’re so pretty.

Yay.

[KATE BECKINSALE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Just got these:

Dear Imaginary Socialite,

Shaking like a heroin addict, hehe. I know have several different mental images
of you, 1) on heroin, 2) shaking like a heroin addict, 3) looking cracked out
seeking some more horse.

–Damiano.

Well. I guess it’s better than you having images of me wearing a denim-on-denim ensemble, or carrying one of those awful fake purses that almost looks like Coach but the C’s are G’s, right?

Dear IS -

You are fabulous.

Love Jax.

Dear Jax,

Wow.

And we’ve never even slept together.

As for the rest of you, obviously keep it coming: am.i@imaginarysocialite.com

I’ve been invited to the movies this weekend and have no idea what to see. If you’ve got suggestions, do send them over. And I don’t know if I can see Mr. and Mrs. Smith because I’m already addicted to lip plumpers and this will just make it worse.

[ALESSANDRA STANLEY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Missing Friend Update: Received this email today.

To: am.i@imaginarysocialite.com
From: boxer

hey

had to go away for a few days.

can’t hear out of my left ear.

arrrrgh.

yeah, that doesn’t sound sketchy or anything.

[HUD MORGAN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Missing: Boxer and The Seeker. Have not seen them in a week. Shaking like a heroin addict. Would put them on a milk carton, but that would totally reveal their identity. Instead:

The Seeker. Handsome. 5’10. Blonde. Short Hair. Green Eyes. Slightly Flamboyant. Dresses like a tailored ’70s rockstar. Think blacks, greens, violets, Dior sneakers. Constantly ringing cell phone. Skateboard, sometimes. Wears huge aviator sunglasses. Laughs like trouble.

Boxer. Also handsome. 6′something. Black short hair. Brownish Eyes. Wears suits, track suits, Lacoste, Adidas, and plaid – very Adam Brody, except Boxer is quite gigantic. Has a Burberry skateboard, which we beg him not to use. Sometimes wears cute black spectacles. Often throws imaginary punches at his shadow.

Have you seen them? Let me know – am.i@imaginarysocialite.com

[CAROLYN ANGEL - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Found this in my inbox today. Hysterical. And so true.

To Jamie, c/o The Imaginary Socialite,

Ring ring… ring ring… Hello? Yes, hi, I was trying to reach Jamie? Oh, he doesn’t use his telephone to talk to people? Oh sorry, my bad- I was under the impression that that’s precisely what telephones are for, I’m so sorry- I didn’t realize… No no, no message, its not an emergency. I just wanted to tell him I love him because he’s my friend and I care about him- but you’re right, I’m going to cancel my cell service right now. Telephone communication is SO 1876. Just tell him to e-mail me whenever he has a chance, and if I happen to ever check my e-mail whenever its convenient for me, I’ll maybe respond… You’re a peach… Bye!

Love always,
Bubeleh.

I mean, seriously, right?

[ANTON NEWCOMBE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

The Seeker calls late at night. He must still be on L.A. time because he sounds so wide awake, the way he does when it’s morning, or after the cocaine I won’t watch him do.

“Hey,” he says, without waiting for an answer. “Wine. Cigarettes. My roof. How does that sound?”

I stare out the window, at bugs, mostly, and think it’s the first time in weeks that someone wants to see me but doesn’t need anything from me, too.

I fall asleep dreaming of a house in the woods, where the third floor has slanted ceilings and yellow light, and my crush, lazy and happy and shoving all my shoes off his bed.

[KAREN O - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

A note from my long ago best friend

Dear Imaginary Socialite,

Heard this weekend that a certain little starlet might kick your ass. Is it because you’re waking her up with 3 a.m. phone calls – like me?

You need to bear in mind, although it is interesting that Brandon Flowers is indeed a replica of me, that 3 a.m. is a rude time to call even someone who is living alone. Which I am not. As a rule I am rarely available by phone day or night–my days of partying past 9 p.m. are over. And one good way to react to this is not to leave piles of messages alternately cringing and party-high.

Seriously though, maybe you & everyone you know habitually talks on the phone a lot. Me, I hardly use my phone. If blogging’s doing so well why not send me emails when you meet Anna W. or Brandon F. or all the other cool people you run into? That way, it doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is, and you’re guaranteed that when I sit down to work and sift through thousands of corporate documents and emails I will also be checking my email compulsively and be relaxed & happy to reply instead of feeling hounded.

I would caution you not to make enemies of any young starlets unless doing so ensures the instant creation of several more powerful friends.

– Jamie.

doesn’t he sound serious and grown up?

[COURTNEY TAYLOR - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Am I The IS: and I sent [boy with girlfriend] a drunken text message, which is of course unacceptable.

just another girl: hahahah what did you say?

Am I The IS: um, let me check…

Am I The IS: okay, it said, “postcard from nyc: wish u were here”

just another girl: that sounds bad

Am I The IS: and it was sent at like four in the morning. oh god.

just another girl: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

just another girl: sorry

Am I The IS: ooooooh this is bad.

just another girl: that is fucking funny

just another girl: drunk texting is so the new drunk dialing

Am I The IS: how did I let myself do this?

Am I The IS: oh, and. I actually had to wait in line. for like three minutes but still.

just another girl: hahah

Am I The IS: am I that uncool?

Am I The IS: I am. I am officially uncool.

just another girl: apparently

just another girl: who knew

Am I The IS: I did, but I thought I was doing a good job fooling everybody.

just another girl: omg that bryan kid i took home friday night totally has a gf

Am I The IS: WHAT?

just another girl: yes

Am I The IS: he is so totally gay, I’m sorry. nylon chris and I were talking about it.

just another girl: he was at my place less than 10 mins

just another girl: freaked out

just another girl: at some point mumbling “you know that whole girlfriend thing”

just another girl: and im like WHAT? no

just another girl: hes like oh didnt i tell you

just another girl: im like UH NO

just another girl: so he lives with this girl they are in the processes of breaking up

just another girl: hes moving in with his brother

Am I The IS: code for I’m so gay.

[CARYN GANZ - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Things I learned last night:

*I can drink four vodka tonics in an hour.

*Add Franz Ferdinand to the Nylon party roster on Tuesday.

*Thanks to Dana Dynamite, No. 1 Chinese is getting a little too popular on weeknights.

*Beyonce’s new collection is called House of Dereon, named after her grandmother and hopefully more tasteful than the Survivor video.

*Mentioning Carlos D. at 5 am will inevitably make cranky boys even crankier.

*Some party fiends cannot identify the song “Somebody Told Me.” At least not after drinking Long Island Iced Teas.

*Cat from Fanny Pack’s bedroom is painted deep pink.

*When in doubt, don’t go home.

[LIZZIE JAGGER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Last night, Melissa Berkelhammer asked me where I summer. I told her “Maine,” but didn’t go into detail, like how when I go to Maine, I drive to a crab shack right on the Maine/ Massachusetts border and sit on the hood of my car and eat like, three lobster rolls (really) and then drive back where I came from. But wow it’s a gorgeous drive, especially with a good CD. And three lobster rolls. Really.

As for this weekend, I’m SUMMERING at the following places:

1. Cut tonight with my gorgeous, non-socialite friends. And Boxer, I hope. And maybe this really handsome boy who kind of scares me, which seems all the more reason to ask him out. He’ll have a code name soon.

2. Misshapes tomorrow? Don’t really wanna go, but THE KILLERS will be there! Yay yay yay! And maybe Louis XIV, who are fun to sit on when they squeeze into banquettes together, they like to cuddle before they get their drinks.

3. Had a weird fun dream about Macky Dugan so I think I’ll go see him at the Cabanas on Sunday night and tell him all about it. There’s also an Entourage party with Jeremy Piven, but… I mean, if I watch Serendipity again, I’ll like cry, so I’m just going to skip that one.

So now the only challenges are…. not getting so wasted that I get into trouble, not getting so starry eyed that I get into trouble, and (the real issue) not getting so honest that I get into trouble.

CAN SHE DO IT?

Stay tuned.

[PARKER POSEY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Today The Seeker took off for LA.

As a joke, I told him to go to Kitson and get me one of those cute Betty & Veronica sweaters, but what I really want is a pack of Red Vines. And for The Seeker to come back and sit with me on a roof somewhere with a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of champagne, and maybe some speakers and the Arcade Fire album.

Boxer’s back in training at the gym (yeah, he’s actually like a real boxer), so we’ve kind of given up on him for the moment. At least until tomorrow night, which incidentally is the next Cut party. Who’s in? (Boxer, put your hand up).

[PRINCESS SUPERSTAR - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

What does it mean when someone emails you really amazing exciting things all day, and also makes you killer mix cds, and texts you, and pretty much just rocks? Oh and he’s also like totally in love with his girlfriend?

Help me out on this one. am.i@imaginarysocialite.com

[CLAIRE DANES - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]