Imaginary Socialite

“Hi, this is Brother Lawrence, leave a message, thanks!”

BEEP!

“Lawrence, it’s The Imaginary Socialite.”

And Bea.”
“We’re doing really splendid considering it’s our fourth vodka tonic.”
“Sixth!”
“And you’ll never guess what we’re wearing.”

(pause)

“HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!”

***

To: am.i@imaginarysocialite.com
From: lawrencelewitinn@gmail.com

Where were you Saturday?

giggle

Scott, 22.

Cecelia Dean’s speed dial.

James Dean’s style streak.

Dean + Deluca preferred customer.

Dean’s List boycotter.

Bonus: super sweetie, makes you famous.

[CINTIA DICKER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

this is how I felt a month ago….

Ellen and Vice say, Happy Halloween!

Also, check out Ellen’s truly outrageous blog, The Social Cavity.

Now email her your Top Shop orders, and know she charges a 15% finder’s fee…

See you out tonight – Bea, Lara, and I are going as Studio 54 goddesses – can you guess which ones?

No, Amanda Lepore doesn’t count.

[LUCY EVANS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

I’ve finally figured it out. Heatherette slipped Xanax in my Pop Burger milkshake on Monday night. Then they shoved me into Macky’s giant Balenciaga bag and smuggled me on the plane…

Aimee and Macky drove the getaway car… okay, really, they told Traver to change the radio station as they prowled for guacamole…

A dominatrix warden guarded my room outside…

until Richie hid me underneath their Spring ’06 collection!

That’s me stuffed behind those dresses

I had my estate send a trunk stuffed with ransom… but like some of our favorite celebutantes, a lot of it was plastic…

When Heatherette realized my trust fund was faux, they released me into the care of a sweet Mexican model…

And made me a totally gorgeous pair of shoes to apologize for tying me up in Amanda Lepore’s garter belts…

Everybody cheered when they found out I was free.

Also because, unlike Heatherette’s fab four, they never figured out I was imaginary.

Don’t you feel so in the know?

back with real stuff over the weekend… hope you enjoyed the detour as much as I enjoyed the raw tuna tacos, jacuzzi bathtubs, and abundance of beautiful guys named Antonio… sigh.

[SOY YO LA VIVIDORA IMAGINARIA? SI! SI!]

Do you know how hard it is to type while bound and gagged in Heatherette couture?

Impossible.

And yet, I couldn´t resist a little hello note.

I´ve learned Mexico absolutely adores The Scissor Sisters, Paris Hilton has a giant billboard on the side of the road with nothing except a huge photo of her, and Converse are the footwear of choice among the young and the fabulous – they’re even trumping Manolos. Also, ginger bloody marys are mandatory breakfast. So fun.

If only I weren’t wrapped and tied in a puffy pink-hearted jacket and stuffed in Aimee Phillips´ Louis Vuitton trunk, I´d see even more.

Oh well, I´m bound to break out of here somehow.

In the meantime, can you guess which diva, with her own fragrance – among other things – just might need new help?

I know a celebrity who is looking for an executive assistant. The ideal candidate should have 2-4yrs experience as an executive assistant with a high-profile boss (ie celebrity or executive) and/or 2-4 years as a personal assistant to a celebrity. They should be professional, ORGANIZED, honest, reliable, responsible, conscientious, hard working, and able to multi-task with a college degree. The position is available immediately!

[LESLEE DART - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Bound in pink glitter bric-a-brac, captive in this cab to JFK.

(That’s Aimee and Macky, dictating my “ransom” note into their sidekick).

Being returned on early Friday morning, after a little Fiesta, which they say “will be good for you, honey!”

Resistence is futile. Instead, I’m having a margarita and wearing too much lipgloss.

Try hard to hold out until Friday, okay?

xoxo I.S.

[GILLIAN MINITER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

To: am.i@imaginarysocialite.com
From: FootballersWife@ManU.co.uk

Um excuse me, was that you cuddling with the British bloke on the LES this Saturday? You minx, When do we get a post about that?!

Oooh, you guys are getting good. Next time, we’ll have to have hot chocolate in my bedroom so nobody sees us…

To: am.i@imaginarysocialite.com
From: FattyMcGee@CerealKillers.com

You look really bad in those MisShapes Last Nights Party photos. And I bet Madonna didn’t even talk to you.

Aw, I like those photos. They’re cute! And she totally talked to me, it was just telepathically. She said, “that Dolce dress looks perfect on you.” I swear, I heard it.

By the way, is it just me, or is your mail getting way more personal?

xoxo IS.