Imaginary Socialite

…and my Vans with the mini skirt only seem like a bad idea when Susan says, “let’s go to Usher’s birthday party” and I remember yesterday, when Michelle Tractenberg said I looked even younger than her…

fortunately, Manolo made all of Pegah’s shoes, and I have a backstage pass…

then a Chili Pepper says, “hey cutie, nice Vans” and Charlize looks down and giggles and the US Weekly girl glares and I rethink again…

[JESSICA PASTOR - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Where is The I.S.?

a) at In & Out. again.

b) at a fashion show

c) flirting with boys in Silverlake.

d) flirting with bags in Fred Segal.

California… California… sing along now…

[CRYSTAL MEERS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

10 seconds before: a model gets tangled in her dress, almost falls.

10 seconds after: a model’s shoe snaps, she walks off barefoot.

Now: perfect.

[LISA ARMSTRONG - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Even the models in LA are cinematic; prettier, with easier faces, and less boundaries. You can be thisclose to their beauty. It makes it thismuch less real.

But still.

When they walk down the runway, it’s slower, like someone is filming.

They carry the clothes like costumes, not second skin.

And at the end, they take a curtain call, rushing out to the tents in full makeup to kiss their friends.

One of them called me “baby” backstage.

Then I saw Jack Osbourne whispering to Kim Stewart, and I ran out front in 4-inch heels and hitched a Ferrari ride to In-n-Out…

[LESLIE BIBB - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Give you one guess…

[LIZ GOLDWYNN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

baby’s first fan club

To: am.i@imaginarysocialite.com
From: ShopEtc@duke.edu

Dear Imaginary Socialite,

I saw Julie Gilhart on the street but I was too shy to say hello. Do you think she’d mind?

Mind? I think she’d give you a gift certificate and beg your help with the window display. Next time, ask her to autograph your Barney’s receipt…

To: am.i@imaginarysocialite.com
From: ReginaGeorge@loveya.com

Wait who is Fatty McGee and why did her name come up 3 times this Weekend???

Also this is mean even for me.

Love ya! xoxo

Um. You know exactly who “Fatty McGee” is, and I agree, it is mean.

Although that’s kind of the pot calling the cocaine illegal, so…

To: am.i@imaginarysocialite.com
From: PennyLane@Stillwater.com

Babe,

Is it true? Are you coming to California tomorrow?

Marissa Cooper, watch out…

It’s true. I’ll be in LA starting tomorrow night. Stay tuned.

And Marissa Cooper is a fictional character – oh wait, so am I.

xoxo IS.

A vintage Olympia typewriter, from the ’60s.

Aptly titled “The Socialite.”

They must have known I was coming…

[ROSEMARY FEITELBERG - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

In my gorgeous new Ben Sherman circle skirt, that swishes. My sidekick shakes, and then there’s a text. It starts…

if it were me, I’d want my friends to tell…

I took the long way. Fortunately, I was wearing my Fryes.

[ROBIN TUNNEY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

He can spell, too.

Todd, 29

Good Idea: Discussing modern fiction with hot girls…

Great Idea: Especially when you’re at a grown-up frat party and you crave escape…

Gorgeous Idea: So you leave with them in a cab…

Guess James Joyce Would Have Done It Idea: And then you read your own short story to them. Out loud. As you trek to Happy Valley.

Bonus: Can you guess which other I.S. crush he’s dating?

[AIMEE BENDER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]