So it’s not enough that she’s the best dressed girl on two continents, and super sweet besides. Now she also has to write a rather brilliant critique of Chanel? C’est unjuste! (Really though, it’s pretty awesome).
[MIRANDA OTTO - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Find out tonight, 7-9 pm at French Connection in Soho, as Britain’s favorite brown-eyed girl rocks out at the Sounds of Summer party. Perhaps she will play something from heartthrob Dan Keyes; perhaps she will merely bat her Dior-smothered eyelashes as her photo gets taken. And yes, it is a petite shock that Gurj is DJing at French Connection, since they don’t make anything hot pink or smothered in skulls. Perhaps it’s a new style turning point for the sparkly scenester?
[HOLLY CRAWFORD - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Act Seven, in which The Imaginary Socialite visits Barnes & Nobles with her father. Our scene begins with the Imaginary Socialite taking this Nigel Barker photo on the magazine rack.
Self Righteous Employee: You can’t take photos in here.
Imaginary Socialite: I already took the photo.
Self Righteous Employee: Yes, but that’s against the rules. You can’t take photos in here.
Imaginary Socialite: Okay, well, you can either take my camera or you can leave me alone. Bye bye.
Self Righteous Employee: You can’t take photos in here!
Imaginary Socialite: Fuck off.
Later at dinner.
Imaginary Daddy: You were so rude to that bookstore employee! Why was that photo so important?
Imaginary Socialite: Daddy, it was Nigel Barker from Top Model on a totally random magazine!
Imaginary Daddy: Oh. Well. That is awfully funny.
[JANICE DICKINSON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
a Little Stam bag, not to be confused with a Little Marc bag, which would probably hold diapers, juice boxes, or DVDs of High School Musical inside. This one has a NARS lipgloss in Turkish Delight, a Betsey Johnson bottle opener, a map of the London Tube, and a Sidekick – bright pink, of course. Also, the lining is canvas, which either makes it very practical, or very fake. Go to it.
[CHARLOTTE RONSON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Rumor has it that David, 30, has pot. What kind of pot are we talking about?
a) A new line of jeans from Denver that come wrapped in rolling papers
b) A new band from Brazil, named Pot, that David manages
c) His tie, hidden by the sign, which is covered in tiny pots to hold the tiny flowers on his fabulous Paul Smith shirt
d) He just bought some new kitchen wares at Williams Sonoma. Duh. What else could it mean?
[JOHNNY MAILER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Asked a girl what she wanted to be…
She said baby, can’t you see…
I wanna be famous, star of the screen…
But you can do something in between…
[JAMIE BARTOLACCI - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
And Jordan says, “I love store guest books because you always see someone you know inside.” And I say, “yes, like James Iha and his super-fake email address.” And Jordan says, “right, or Justine D with a faux URL.” And Quinn goes, “hey, isn’t that the Fanny Pack girl, Fancy?” And we laugh and realize that just before us, an entire Lower East Side apartment, saturated with soundtracks, also came shopping for jeans…
[MAX BRENNER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Rewind a year and a half.
The dinner party scares me, and so does the girl, whose name is Leigh, who I have never met but sometimes seen.
“I read about you in Teen Vogue,” I say. I giggle. Then I realize, this is not the giggling crowd. I spend the rest of the night huddled with someone else’s date, until Richie pulls me into the bathroom. “No no no honey,” he says, “Not that boy. Stay away.” Then he whips out lipgloss, MAC underage, and puts it on my eyelids. “Better,” he says, “angelic.”
Outside I check to see if Leigh’s eyelids glow like mine, but they don’t. I’m annoyed and Richie says, “No no no honey,” when I try to wipe it off, and “No no no honey,” when I try and talk to the boy again. Then the Scissor Sisters come with dessert and the boy goes away and Leigh looks over at me and smiles and I giggle again. Strike two.
The next week at 3 am, Jake pulls me through a party. “Do you know my friends?” He asks. There she is, and I giggle, still terrified – strike three. But Leigh giggles back and she goes, “I remember you from before. Wasn’t that party scary?”
And it was, but I decide that she isn’t, despite the cheekbones that look like razors…
[HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEIGH - YOU ROCK BEAUCOUP]
Anyone who attempts to wear Pucci tights is truly a rockstar because of the sheer challenges that approach with each flourescent squiggle: what to wear on top? how to find super simple shoes? is a Pucci clutch to match too much? With that in mind, it’s almost cruel to question the verity of these Lycra wonders. And yet, it must be done…
[HELEN GURLEY BROWN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Jackie, 24
Special Skills:
*Sneaking into Shore Club pool
*Finding perfect string bikini
*Riding Vespas, with or without boys
*Drinking chilled vodka, at said Shore Club pool
*Fun
[MICHAEL ECKHOUSE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
I just flew in from Bleeker and boy are my arms tired…
[PAUL KRASSNER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Gucci purse in deep green, so gorgeous and gleaming and totally perfect for fall that one has to wonder – is it too good to be true? I mean, can Gucci really make such an incredibly hued leather good or, gasp, is it plastic instead and found deep in the bowels of Target? Perhaps the print on the skirt will give you a hint…
[ALISSA DANER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Megan, 22
Fill in the blanks:
Megan works for ____________ magazine as ___________ assistant, where she hauls _____________ shoes to shoots starring ________________, and besides all of that excitingness, she also has a hot _________________ that she just brought home.
[SEAN KREBS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
To: am.i@imaginarysocialite.com
From: PradaBackpack@daytrip.com
Hey! So, I’m sort of bumming around Europe for the summer. So far, I’ve heard that Dan Keyes song in hostels in Nice, at 5-level clubs in Prague, and underground basementy places in Dresden- that boy is everywhere! So excited.
xxoo
One of your (probably many) Eurotrash readers
(so, how do you say “Dan Keyes is the next Justin Timberlake” in Czech?)
[WHITNEY PORT - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Meanwhile on Style.com, the focus shifts from Marc and Marchesa to Geordon and Jackson. No doubt, Hedi will be pleased to see them decked out in matching tapered ensembles, and I do love the headphones poised so magically around Geordon’s neck. Next up: Sarah Mower neglects couture in favor of South by South West; Gareth Pugh follows suit and abandons the runway for The Scissor Sisters tour bus.
[DAVID FURNISH - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]