Suf, 17
Aimee Heatherette: OMG that girl looked exactly like Quinn, it’s totally freaking me out! Are they related?
Am I The IS: No, but it’s awfully funny.
Aimee Heatherette: I am so freaked out, they’re like total cutie twins. Are you sure they’re not friends?
Am I The IS: Um, I don’t think they are?
Aimee Heatherette: Weird! Maybe they just smudge their eyeliner together?
[KATE YOUNG - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
“What’s your name,” we say at the same time and then we realize our friends are staring. We both have giggly grins and we whip them out like campers with water guns, a little too fast and psyched for trouble.
The next day my phone rings and I already know who it is. “Let’s talk about Chanel,” he says, and we do, for two hours, and then for two weeks, and then it’s sunrise, and summer, and we’re still talking.
We fight a lot but it feels like yoga, when you bring your toes to your chin and it’s agony but you grow. I’m taller now, and I can push further; his fault.
Once in the middle of screaming, he scowls, “You’ve never met anyone like me, have you?”
“No,” I snarl, “but you’ve never met anyone like me either!”
And then we laugh and shove each other, and get sick on Starbucks, and fight some more. In the morning I ache, but I’m Gwyneth-tall when I stretch.
[HAPPY BIRTHDAY, POOPYHEAD - EVERYBODY LOVES YOU]
… and even the graffiti is obsessed with Ms. Moss…
[KIM VERNON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Is this chick…
a) auditioning for A Chorus Line
b) viral marketing for Orbit gum gone horribly wrong
c) the ultimate test of Blue States Lose
d) high.
Apologies the shot is so far away, but frankly, Matt and I were scared to move any closer…
[PRISCILLA LOPEZ - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Marsha, 16
Marsha is Sandra‘s little sister, which means that she’s just as pretty as Sandra, and just as good at drinking, and just as prone to scream in a Canadian accent. Sadly, it also means she will not grab my ass on the dance floor, but she’s young so maybe she’ll learn.
[FRANCA SOZZANI - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Our heroine sustained multiple injuries while fending eager editors away from her shoes…
One lost Dior lipgloss. One bruise to the shin. Four separate swaps with a 12th floor fashion staffer. So worth it.
[CHARLOTTE WHEELER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Act Seven, in which The Imaginary Socialite ditches the dance floor in favor of watching smokers outside.
The Cobra Snake: Hey there.
Imaginary Socialite: Hi you. Coming for Fashion Week?
The Cobra Snake: Yeah, promise, and this week, too. Hey, do you know my girlfriend?
Imaginary Socialite: The fauxnie? No, is she here?
The Cobra Snake: Tuesday. Hey, you should totally hype her up!
Imaginary Socialite: Omigosh, I totally will! I mean, I’m not like obsessed with her or anything, but I could pretend.
The Cobra Snake: That would be awesome. We’ll be around.
(Okay, so I lied. I’m a little obsessed. It’s not often I meet someone else with swirly hair…)
[JINX KENNEDY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Reasons to be bummed about last night’s episode of Entourage, where Adrian Grenier scores – then loses – a biopic of Joey Ramone.
a) The end of Entourage‘s awesome rock soundtrack, picked specially for the plotline.
b) The end of Martin Landau’s awesome cameo stint, both painful and hilarious.
c) The end of a much-beloved fantasy: Adrian in a pair of super skinny jeans and Chuck Taylors, shirtless and clutching an electric guitar.
Anyway…
[ARI EMMANUEL - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
I think Warhol would have really dug White Castle. I mean, look at this packaging.
Also: did you know there was something called a Crave Case? OMG.
[JULIETTE LEWIS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Cecilia Dean couldn’t make it to MisShapes this weekend, so she sent the Next Best Thing: a giant Chanel toy, designed by Karl Lagerfeld for Visionaire… at first we thought it was useless, but Scott and I quickly figured out some ways to play with it: you could put it in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade as the only designer float. You could stick it in the DJ booth as a decoy Greg when the paparazzi get too much. Or, you could fill it with rival hipsters from Williamsburg, wheel it in, and let them loose, Trojan Horse style. Just a thought…
[KRISTIN DAVIS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Bonnie, 30
Bonnie’s smile is so big because it’s full of secrets. These secrets include…
a) where Marc is having his afterparty
b) who runs The Socialite Rank
c) what Zac’s spring collection looks like
d) whether we’ll have another six weeks of summer. Of course, this all depends on if her Balenciaga bag sees its shadow in the morning…
[ALYSSA KOLSKY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Meanwhile, on the Lower East Side, Matt and I stumbled into The World’s Most Inapproprate Deli. All we wanted were some cigarettes and a Wild Berry Doctor Pepper.
Instead, we saw little cartoon knives on the walls and this ubertacky clock: it has a moving Manhattan skyline with little boats and hot air baloons that zoom along in front of the backdrop. And every thirty seconds, an airplane flies right through the World Trade Center. Yes, really, we even stopped to take a photo…
Naturally, the cigarettes at this deli were the cheapest ones we’d ever found.
[KARL ROVE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
“Sometimes I think I’m in a reality show,” Gurj says, and when she looks up from her drink, she makes a photo face that you could freeze. “God knows there’s enough drama around… we just need a theme song and some credits.”
And I picture us at brunch with little titles by our names: “Lawrence – Sarah’s brother.” “John – Jordan’s Roommate.” “Leigh.” And I can’t stop seeing a televised me. When my iPod plays Boys Better, I think it’s my theme song. When Mark takes my picture, I picture US Weekly.
Today I watch Laguna Beach, the new season. The kids are so mean, and so crafted, and so see-through. And I think, thank god we’re not like this, creating stories instead of friendships. This isn’t real, this isn’t us.
And then my phone rings and I listen and I change my mind.
[NATASHA BENINGFIELD - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
They seem to like the same girls, though…
[PARKER POSEY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
To: am.i@imaginarysocialite.com
From: YourExIsAwesome@diamondrodgers.com
See attached from the front cover of the Times. I did remember she’s your favorite, there are some places that whiskey can’t go!
xoxo Diamond
[NORA FLAHERTY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]