Imaginary Socialite

Look like Lauren Conrad for 60% off – Bluefly’s latest shipment boasts her trademark MJ shades for a mere $156 – the same as a one-session fee for a therapist who can help you dump your unsavorable boyfriend, live with your selfish best friend, and get over your paranoia that cameras still follow you everywhere.

As for the lifetime of regret for not going to Paris on an internship you may not have deserved anyway, well… that’s something not even a Zoloft OD can cure…

[MASHARIKI WILLIAMSON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

The recent New York article on Jeffrey’s alleged cheating brings up a few issues…

1. Jeffrey’s mom and Laura’s mom are now friends? Oh yeah, that’s a great idea…

2. The article says “the Final 3 will be revealed on September 27.” But on TV, Tim Gunn says, “we’re not committed to a Final 3.” What exactly is happening?

3. The article also says, “Tim visited Jeffrey in LA.” That means Jeffrey must be a finalist. It also means Laura must be a finalist. If there is, indeed, a Final 3, that means there’s only one slot left… my guess is Michael.

You?

[ISABEL TOLEDO - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Sample Sale Quiz!

The Open Book part…
Alvin Valley sells his stuff tomorrow through Saturday at his showroom: 552 7th Ave. at 40th St., 3rd Floor, from 12pm – 6 pm.

The Closed Book part…
The email from Alvin’s people called him:

a) “The King of Pants”
b) “The Socialite Companion”
c) “The Ballgown Man”
d) “The next star of The Simple Life“

[BETTINA ZILKHA - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Nick, 21

Former Ultrainterrrn Nick Snow is now the object of many affections, including… Sarah, Gurj, Karen, Lisa, Sasha, and I’m pretty sure Brandon digs him too. If you want to get in line to snag him, you totally should, but remember he can only be lured by cigarettes, bootleg demo songs by The Killers, the ghost of Nick Drake, and Red Vines… of course, Red Vines always inspire random makeouts…

[SCHUYLER FISK - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

What did the Accessories Director say to the Beauty Editor when the drugstore makeup brand sent her this bag?

a) “Of course it’s for the beauty department; we don’t do logos.”

b) “I am so jealous; all I got today was a Stam.”

c) “Oooh, 2004 – your bag’s already vintage!”

d) “So did your bag cost more or less than the Duane Reade lipstick?”

[NADINE HAOBSH - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

And here’s some hippie-fueled fun from the Vows column today…

“The bride and bridegroom met in March 2004 at a Manhattan dinner party, where they were seated next to each other. But Mr. Maldonado was about to move to Los Angeles and, he said, “The reality is just from talking to someone for dinner one night, I’m not going to invite her to Los Angeles to go on a date with me.” He did not call her after the dinner.

Five months later he had a second chance. Both attended the weeklong Burning Man art festival, which draws more than 30,000 people to the Black Rock Desert in Nevada.

Mr. Maldonado was sleeping in a geodesic tent, pitched near the site where Ms. Grigoriadis was staying in an RV with five other people.”

Morals of the story:

1) if the guy doesn’t call, he is that into you; he’s just moving across the country the next day.

2) geosedic tents are the new Mercer.

3) conceptual sculpture mixed with ‘shrooms is the only way left to find your soul mate.

Shit, and I thought MySpace would do it…

[ELLEN BARKIN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Here’s what I learned tonight at dinner…

Last week this girl was dogsitting for a rich couple in Cambridge. They were in France. She was in heaven, full fridge, full cable, fully adoring this dog, until of course it died.

She called the couple. They were, as the French say, fucking cool about it. They said, don’t worry, it’s not your fault, but could you please take the dog to the vet and have it creamated?

I would have gone straight to France to scream at these people, but this girl went to Target instead. She bought a duffel bag. She shoved the dead dog inside. She dragged it onto the T (subway) to get to the vet.

And on the T, she met a guy. He was hot. He was funny. He asked for her number. He also asked what was in the bag, and she was so freaked out she lied and said, “computer stuff. for my dorm room.”

The T stops. The guy steals the duffel bag from the girl. He is somewhere, thinking he stole a hard drive and a CD Rom. He actually stole a pet corpse.

Somehow, I think this is the perfect story… next to La Boheme, of course…

[ROSARIO DAWSON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Read all about it…

[KRISTIN DAVIS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]