Imaginary Socialite

Amanda, 29

Sunglasses: stolen

Dress: $10

Cover charge: never

But: she’ll still be the most expensive date of your life.

[MATTHEW KRISTALL - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Cigarettes and chocolate milk

These are just a couple of my cravings

Everything it seems I like’s a little bit stronger, a little bit thicker, a little bit harmful…

And if I should buy jelly beans…

[ASHE PEACOCK - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Dear Whole Foods,

We are so in love with your new location, and your insane sushi conveyer belt, and the french fry station, and the walk-in cheese refrigerator… omg, amazing.

But if your mission is to bring earth-friendly food to the masses, why are all the lights on your store on at 4 am?

Surely you could recycle that energy for trees or something.

[KAHLEN RONDOT - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Mummy Dearest: Your grandmother was awfully quiet after dinner.

Imaginary Socialite: It’s my fault.

Imaginary Socialite: She asked me if I’d ever used JDate and I laughed at her.

Imaginary Socialite: And I told her the girls on JDate were shopping for a husband instead of figuring out their lives.

Mummy Dearest: So of course she asked why you didn’t want to shop for a husband.

Imaginary Socialite: And I was like, because I only care about meeting men for sex,

Mummy Dearest: Ha! Good for you.

Imaginary Socialite: You’re not mad?

Mummy Dearest: She deserved it. You’ll get married when you like someone enough.

Imaginary Socialite: I know but I already have my dress picked out.

Imaginary Socialite: It’s from TopShop.

[LEAH THOMPSON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

1.

The Lesbians are cooler than me and mostly foreign. One of them tells me I should go to London and I say, “I’d like to but I can’t. I’m still sort of in love with someone there, and I’d crash into him every night.”

“But London is much bigger than New York,” she says, and I shrug. “You just think it’s small because you only hang out in the trendy parts, and I’m sure he does too.”

She says the word “trendy” like it means “shit” and then her cigarette sets off the smoke alarm.

2.

I spent too long at the mirror and now I want to chop off all my hair. Instead I chop my hemline and wear a shirt and a pair of tights out the door.

“Cute dress,” says my date as we push through the party.

“It’s a shirt,” I correct and he shrugs.

“Now every girl who reads The Cobra Snake is gonna think it’s a dress. Way to ruin the moment.” We giggle like thieves and the party is too packed.

We want to leave after ten minutes but it takes us two hours to say our goodbyes.

3.

Walking home by myself doesn’t scare me, but seeing you on the street does. In a good way.

“So that’s how you wear a shirt,” you smirk. It’s so cold the streets are empty, but we’re going opposite ways.

A block from my apartment I walk behind a pack of boys and wonder what hugging you hard would feel like, and if it’s worth it to care.

[SHELLEY SCARROW - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Hey Scenesters presents MADE: I Wanna Be A Hipster.

Directed by Shruti. Written by Faran. Starring Matt and Thomas, with Sarah, Karen, Gurj, Quinn, Alexis, Brad, Brandon, Scott, Jackson, Jenny Penny, Clay, Dan Keyes, Tom, Bella, and Monkey. With huge love and thanks to Leotard Fantastic, Princess Coldstare, and Greg The Other Guy. Coming Soon to a Blog Near You.

[STEVEN SPIELBERG - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

I really love this dress from The Gap, though I would wear it with wide-open white Chuck Taylors instead of those strappy heels.

Still, before I buy it, I’d like to know:

Is this fabric bubble blue, or purple?

I’ve gone to the Gap website from three different computers, and I still can’t figure it out.

Also, just to clear it up, this dress was not designed by Phoebe Philo – but we’ll be discussing her further involvement with Gap on Fashionista.com tomorrow.

Giggle.

[RAGON DUFFY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Eva, 24

We have a crush on Eva because we got drunk with her on Friday.

And then she said to us,

“Oh, I really like your blog, Desperately Famous!”

And we thought she was either the funniest girl we’d ever met, or an incredible bitch.

Either way, it’s love.

[ANDI ZEISLER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

I Love My Guitar: So how was the party?

Am I The IS: Remember Art Boy?

I Love My Guitar: Yeah, was he there with his boyfriend?

Am I The IS: Yeah, problem, um, he says he’s straight.

I Love My Guitar: Whoa!

Am I The IS: And my number is saved next to the Strokes guy on his phone.

I Love My Guitar: That’s so good.

Am I The IS: I wouldn’t have been so flirty if I knew he was straight.

I Love My Guitar: You should be more flirty with straight guys.

Am I The IS: No, ew. And then there’s the naked paintings. I really didn’t know he was straight…

I Love My Guitar: The naked paintings??? Okay. I should have told you I was gay years ago.

[FELIX RAY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]