Imaginary Socialite

Did it take long to find me

I ask the faithful light

Well, did it take long to find me

And are you gonna stay the night?

[ANTONIA ELLIS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

MoroCoco: So do you think you’ll ever talk to him again?

Imaginary Socialite: I think so.

MoroCoco: Even though he really messed up?

Imaginary Socialite: I think eventually. I mean, the mix I made him was better than my denim mini.

MoroCoco: Impossible.

Ceremony, by New Order
Lay Low, by My Morning Jacket
Kodachrome, by Simon + Garfunkle
About Your Dress, by the Maccabees
Jesus Don’t Cry, by Wilco
Someone Else’s Song, by the Libertines
Trains to Brazil, by Guillemots
Jerusalem, by Dan Bern
Suzie, by Boy Kill Boy
Riot Act, by Bottom of the Hudson
Born in the USA, by Bruce Springsteen
Hazy Shade of Winter, by the Bangles
Dear Prudence, by the Beatles
Buildings and Bridges, by Ani DiFranco
White Girls, by 5 O’Clock Heroes
Things Fall Apart, by Group Sounds

[MARLEY SHELTON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Mommy Dearest: Honey, how much did you pay for those Marc shoes?

Imaginary Socialite: You don’t like them, do you?

Mommy Dearest: Well… no. I think they look like Space Hooker shoes.

Imaginary Socialite: Space Hooker shoes? Like, I should come with a Ray Gun?

Mommy Dearest: Look, I don’t know what the girls are wearing in New York, but a heel with a chunky blue bottom… and the grommets… and the giant gold stripe down the side… it’s a little Pigs in Space. But I’m glad you’re wearing heels; they’re much more sophisticated on you!

Imaginary Socialite: Mom.

Imaginary Socialite: You’re wearing Crocs.

[JESSIE LOEFFLER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

A MySpace message just asked me what I was like in high school… well…

When I was a senior, my hair was white-yellow and incredibly long. I thought when I grew up, I’d be a director. I thought when I grew up, I’d be 24.

And my friends were all gorgeous, to the point of distraction (or, if you were me, depression). One is now a movie star; another is dating one.

We sat on our school lawn one afternoon, and the hottest junior boy walked by. He looked like James Bond as a baby.

“Hey,” he said to the Movie Star.

She kissed him and brushed his freckles with the corner of her J. Crew scarf, and he nodded to us, trying to keep cool, and then ran away. Towards the football field we heard a giggle and a whoop, and knew it was him.

Then the hottest senior boy walked by. He looked like Indiana Jones as a kid.

“Hi,” he said to the Movie Star Girlfriend. When she looked up, the color drained so fast from his face, she had to hug him just to keep the blood inside his heart. Later in the dining hall, we saw him doing a victory lap by the cereal bins.

Then the oldest teacher at school hobbled by, with his cane. He was tweeded and gnarled, and he snarled “Hello, Missy,” at me, and I leapt up and hugged him, and we talked about getting tea, and then he plunked away.

The Movie Star and The Girlfriend gave me death glares.

“Damn you,” said the Movie Star. “I’ve been trying to get the faculty to notice me all semester!”

“You see teachers every day,” I blinked back. “What about the boys?”

“Oh who gives a shit about stupid boys,” growled The Girlfriend. “It’s so much cooler to be friends with adults.”

The next day, I asked the cutest guy in my chem class to a dance. He said yes, and I wore a vintage bridesmaid gown and he wore his dad’s old football tee and a blazer.

We had fun until our friends showed up and ruined it by staring.

[KERI RUSSELL - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

[VICTOIRE De CASTELLANE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Pictured: The Dress That Won’t Die, As Spotted Yesterday in Soho.

Usually, these things don’t survive the winter, but somehow this fad just won’t quit.

Our theories for its longevity:

1. The dress would be replaced by a Kate Moss for TopShop dress, but they sold out of Barneys on the first day.

2. The dress would be replaced by a Patrick Robinson for Target dress, but they’re not that cute.

3. Everyone’s gone blind.

[ANDREA LINNETT - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Boys Don’t Cry: Babe, I had a Lloyd Dobbler Moment last night.

Am I The IS: You lost your virginity in the back of a car?

Boys Don’t Cry: No. Remember my ex girlfriend? The one I’m still in love with? I got really worked up last night.

Am I The IS: Were you listening to Coldplay? Every bad call I’ve ever made about guys comes from Coldplay… it’s like, unless you’re Gwyneth…

Boys Don’t Cry: No, but I got so worked up that I decided I had to tell her exactly how I feel. So at midnight, I took the train to Brooklyn. It took forever. I walked to her house, it’s like, one in the morning, and I start screaming out her window that I love her.

Am I The IS: Oh my god. With a boombox? Did you hold a boombox over your head?

Boys Don’t Cry: No. Thank god. But she was pissed.

Am I The IS: No kidding.

Boys Don’t Cry: And I’m out there crying. I swear, I never thought I’d be that lame guy… but I’m out there crying telling her I love her.

Am I The IS: And she said…?

Boys Don’t Cry: She said no. Basically, she said no. But I. Feel. Amazing.

Am I The IS: Really?

Boys Don’t Cry: Yeah, cause I realized that maybe she’s not the girl for me, but when I finally fall in love and find the girl for me, I feel like now, I know what I want. Some parts of her, some parts not of her, but… now I know.

Am I The IS: Did she call the cops on you?

Boys Don’t Cry: No. She was really mad, but today she told me that she thought it was cool.

Am I The IS: I think it’s cool too. I mean, I would never want someone to… but yeah. It’s cool. Good story. But you know the sad thing?

Boys Don’t Cry: Huh?

Am I The IS: Most of the girls who read my blog are too young to know what a Lloyd Dobbler moment is.

Boys Don’t Cry: Oh my gosh, you’re right. Whoa. Maybe I should date one of them.

Am I The IS: Don’t push it.

[IONE SKYE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

She came in through the bathroom window

Protected by a silver spoon

But now she sucks her thumb and wonders by the banks of her own lagoon.

Didn’t anybody tell her?

[JESSIE MANN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]