Most people stalk Nicole and Mischa with their camera phones.
We stalk The Dress That Won’t Die, which made a brief appearance on St. Mark’s place today.
It still looks like a rejected costume choice from The Smurfs, but even stranger when blinking back from the land of gray jeans and black bangs.
And something else:
This dress is over a year old, which in Urban Outfitters years makes it vintage.
Make it stop!
[LIBERTY ROSS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
The Imaginary Socialite took a field trip this weekend. Where did we go?
a) Transylvania, to see our ancestral homeland.
b) Euro Disney, with Tanya D
c) The set of the Harajuku Girls ad campaign
d) Central Park.
[ROMAIN VALLOS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Yesterday on the train, David says, “Really you can tell if a bag is fake by looking at the girl. Just check out her outfit. If it screams Old Navy, you’re probably not standing next to a YSL bag.”
The problem is, there’s always Goyard totes, which are so obscurely ugly they’re only really pretty to fashion people (see also: Rodarte, Viktor & Rolf, Snejana…)
So when you see the outfit, you really can’t tell.
Like now.
[AMY WINEHOUSE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Leah, 22
Leah is in college.
Last night, she put too much sugar in her salad dressing.
This is sort of a relief because when I was in college, the girls would have been like “Ew, you’re putting sugar into your salad dressing? That’s like, bad for you.”
This reveals the first of many reasons why I refuse to speak with most girls who went to my school, but I really, really like Leah.
[PAULA DEAN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Dear Jessica Stam,
You’re really lovely (as a person, not just your eyes), but.
Please don’t get on the elliptical machine in front of me anymore.
The Balenciaga motorcycle jacket you toss on the floor, like my towel, is a tragedy.
The thermos in your cup holder, with a straw sticking out, is a tabloid mystery.
The dirty ponytail that swings back and forth when you climb on the pedals, the way it did down the Marc runway, is torture.
And meanwhile, my workout melts to shit.
Again, you are amazing, but would it be so bad if you did yogilates or spinning? I promise I’ll never set foot on a mat – especially that Stella McCartney mat sticking out of your Prada backpack.
xo, IS
PS: To the cute guy on the other machine, who was checking me out before Stam got there, and kept pretending to check me out after – that was really sweet of you. Maybe next time, we can stretch together.
[CHRISTY TURLINGTON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
[JONATHAN DURBIN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
2 Glasses Wine: +20
3 Shots Stolen Whiskey: +60
6 Mentions of Scarlett Johansson: -300
3 Mentions of Kate Lanphear: +1000
My Strapless Dress: + 1,000,000
Walking Home Alone in My Strapless Dress After Screaming “I Hate You” In the Calmest Voice Possible: -1,000,001
Also: After careful consideration, I have decided I am not getting out of bed for the next five days. This could mean I’m feeling wretched, or that there’s someone in bed with me.
Of course, the answer to that determines the final match point of this party.
[MIRANDA NURYEV - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Act Twelve, in which the Imaginary Socialite and The Clothes Hoarse escape from the Whitney Ball.
Clothes Hoarse: That was a little intense.
Imaginary Socialite: I liked Julia Roitfeld’s dress.
Clothes Hoarse: I liked Silvana’s.
Imaginary Socialite: Yeah. What’s up this weekend?
Clothes Hoarse: Oh, it’s my birthday! Ten June.
Imaginary Socialite: Oh my gosh, you’re having your party at a club?
Clothes Hoarse: No! My birthday is the Tenth of June. Sunday!
Imaginary Socialite: Oooh.
Clothes Hoarse: Babe, you need a nap.
[NOAH TEPPENBERG - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Carol, 27
Super surfer
Sample saler
Soda snacker
And she has a damn good blog! Everyone’s in love…
[JONI MITCHELL - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]