Imaginary Socialite

[EMILIE FRANCOISE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

To: imaginarysocialite@gmail.com
From: Beatrice@Inn.org

Question:

So why aren’t you talking about the socialite who was too boring for the TV show she thought she could have?

Just wondering.

See you.

-Bea.

Answer:

Because it’s much more interesting to mull who isn’t too boring for a TV show. You know? Plus I’m kind of busy deciphering LOST right now.

–I.S.

[ELAINE STRITCH - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Nicholas, 25

He shoots.

He spins.

He scores.

Also, Tess and I kidnapped him from Starbucks, and that was pretty great.

[ERIC BANA - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Dear Juicy Couture,

It’s really hard to “Relax” when you’re asked to pay $80 for a t-shirt.

Although if you can take it as satire, this thing is kind of brilliant…

If only the girls in their teens who wore Juicy logos could understand the reference.

If only the girls in their 20′s who wore Juicy logos could understand anything at all.

If only.

[LISA CANT - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

If you like listening to chatty girls.

[PATTI SMITH - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Pencils Up.

Please list four ways in which this Louis Vuitton bag is fake.

Note that “because it’s at a party where people have beer in cups” does not count as a valid answer.

Although it is pretty funny.

And points for creativity are of course distributed like star stickers to first grade kids.

[JAESUNG LEE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Those of you with the fortitude to dance on midnight Sundays may have noticed a new pied piper:

Mike Nouveau, of Ruff Club fame, who’s recently taken over the decks at Beatrice. Geordon and Greg also spun their last week, and Sarah Lewitinn had a really joyful New Years playlist that basically bounced on their walls.

It shouldn’t be that surprising, except it sort of is:

A few years ago, the Mary Kate set crept into the Sway- Annex- Darkroom- MisShapes scene despite the fact that it wasn’t created for them.

Now the places that were built specifically (and sort of only) to attract their attention are trying to lure kids who party because it’s fun, not pose because it’s important.

Of course, you still have to do that at the door, if you want to slip inside…

[JESSIE LOEFFLER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

So this one time I met Marion Cotillard at a Chanel party, uptown.

I told her, in French, that she was a huge star, and she told me, in French, that it wasn’t true but that my French was excellent.

Of course, now we learn what a truly great actress Ms. Cotillard is, because

1. She is a huge huge star with a huge huge Oscar.

2. Regardless of what she says, my French is shit.

I love being right.

[NANCY WALSH - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

[REX LEE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Kendall, 24

Dancing: Good

Matchmaking: Good

Style: Good

Booking Impossible Reservations at Every Hot Place in New York: Excellent.

[ZAC FARRO - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Jonathan Saunders for TopShop dress.

$150.

Only available online from London.

Almost impossibly cool, but a tough shape to pull off.

Yes or no?

(I’m 5’5, size four)

[DAVID ARCHULETA - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

In Showtime’s fizzy fantasy bubble called The L Word, every possible hot girl is a lesbian, every possible straight person is an uninformed bigot who hates lesbians, and every possible runway item gets thrown on Bette Porter.

In the past season, we’ve spotted the hot art dean in a Balenciaga blazer, a McQueen dress, a Burberry jacket, a pair of Helmut Lang heels, and now this:

The Gucci peasant blouse from Spring ’07, as first seen on Lily Donaldson.

Of course, Lily might be too thin for any of the L girls, but no matter – if she were on The L Word, she would be written as a lesbian, too, because she’s pretty!

[NIKKI TAYLOR - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Marc by Marc Jacobs skirt, spotted at Milk Studios.

Except you have to seriously question why anyone would pair a skirt of that length and shape with pointy witch boots and no tights in February.

And that leads you to seriously question everything else, like…

Your sanity
The appeal of Nicole Kidman
The quality of Rihanna songs
The idea that girls in sunglasses sell more book covers.

And also, of course, this skirt, which screams a Marc pattern but suggests, somehow, that it came from Forever 21.

Amazing how footwear can do this to us.

[KIRA PLASTICINA - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

To: ImaginarySocialite@gmail.com
From: BathroomWindow@ar.com

One bedroom available in a 2 bedroom/1 bath in the East Village.

*New kitchen
*Washer/ Dryer
*New bathroom
*All new windows
*South facing room, tons of light
*Re-painting soon
*Full sized bed in room
*Lots of closet space

$1550 includes rent, electric, phone, full cable and wireless internet

Available March 1st, perhaps even sooner

And you get to live with Allegra Riggio, www.ultraviolet-design.com!

[GABRIELLA WINDSOR - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Candace, 23

We dig any girl

Who is surrounded by hot boys

All day

As a job

And still decides to sit with an orange teddy bear

Instead of any of them.

[ALEX HAGWOOD - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIAITE?]