Jordan Silver, aka Vera Wang, is back from the undead.
What is he doing in this picture?
a) Posing for Men.Style.Com.
b) Auditioning for Sartorialist: The Musical
c) Drinking the wine.
d) Drinking the Kool Aid.
Stay chic, baby. We love you.
[MICHAEL BASTIAN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Tonight was just great, she taught us the sign for peace.
Now she’s opened the window and turned off the light and we’re watching movies.
I don’t understand and she tries to explain how a spaceship is landing on somebody’s brain and there’s blood and guts, oh.
She’s the best one that we’ve ever had… she sits on her hair and she’s tall as my dad.
[MATTHEW MARDEN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Mike, 22.
Lives in…
a) The Playboy Mansion
b) The Playmobile Mansion
c) Crash Mansion
d) The Cartier Mansion
e) All of the above, depending on the alcohol.
[JOE McGINNISS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Vintage Chanel wallets are always so cute and understated…
But of course, so are the plastic ones that you can get in the basement of a dried mushroom store on Bayard St.
Is this an old-school Chanel item? Or just a familiar logo on a cheap fold of pleather?
In other words:
Did this wallet cost more money than the actual cash inside of it?
[NATALIE MORALES - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
According to the bus stop on 5th and Avenue C, Paper Magazine’s Mr. Mickey wants to be stopped by tourists and asked directions.
I imagine the conversation to go something like this:
Woman from Iowa: Excuse me, but do you know where Abercrombie and Fitch is?
Mr. Mickey: Yes, but don’t you have one of those in your mall?
Iowa Chick: Yes, but…
Mr. Mickey: You should go to Tory Burch and try on one of her fabulous sequined tunics. All the famous socialites in Manhattan wear them.
Iowa Chick: Oh, like Paris Hilton?
Mr. Mickey: Yes, sure! Tory Burch makes the most divine women’s tunics! I’m wearing one of them right now!
And then he’d take her for milk and cookies at Indochine.
[DEBRA MESSING - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Taken on location at TopShop’s new location on Broadway NYC.
[WILL BROOME - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Pop Quiz: Which ’80s pop babe is performing on Wednesday night with Camp Freddy in NYC?
a) Debbie Gibson
b) Tiffany
c) Vanessa Paradis
d) Jem!!!
[JOYCE AZRIA - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
“If Mischa Barton’s fat ex boyfriend ever offers you coke, don’t do it, because it’s probably ecstasy,” says a guy with a house above the Louis Vuitton store on Greene Street. “He did that to me and my friends once, and I was like, dude, that’s so dangerous! He told me it’s because he didn’t want me to leave the party. What an asshole.”
I am torn among three options:
1. Telling him I would never, ever stand within five feet of the Ick Fest that is Mischa Barton’s fat ex boyfriend.
2. Telling him I would never, ever do coke.
3. Telling him that snorting E doesn’t really sound more dangerous than snorting coke, because both are drugs that you’re whiffing into your brain, hello.
Instead I calculate silently how many bags of coke would buy this guy’s house.
The number I come up with is lower than the number of velvet ropes cut by Mischa Barton.
But only slightly.
[AMY WINEHOUSE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Joanna, 23
Intern.
Intel.
In town.
In touch.
Interested?
Then you’d better have one hell of a record collection.
[STEVIE NICKS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
This Gucci bag has all the marks of the real deal:
A good slouch, an even color pattern, and a good pair of shoes going with it.
But this is New York City, after all, and so we have to consider something besides appearance -
For instance, do you notice how the Gucci bag is right in front of an ice cream truck?
Do you think a girl who shells out $700 for a canvas bag is the same kind of girl who waits on Prince Street for a half-melted Rocket Cone?
Just for the record, I do that all the time… and you know quite well whether or not I can sling around a logo bag like it’s a leftover Nerf ball.
[VANESSA BRUNO - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
You Have THREE Text Messages
Fluorescent Adolescent
I am shopping in Seven New York and Management just came in. Like the band, not the people who work in the store.
Fluorescent Adolescent
My phone started to ring. My ring tone is MGMT. They are MGMT.
Fluorescent Adolescent
Awkward.
[BOBBY DIGITAL - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Left:
East Village.
Right:
Harlem.
Explanation, por favor?
[BRUISER WOODS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Dear Patrick McMullan, Genevieve Jones, and the new staff of Interview Magazine,
Did we miss something here?
Please let us know.
We thought Lauren Santo Domingo’s wedding was the last one we’d have to watch on Style.com for a while.
And anyway, we thought Chris was dating some rock star in Paris?
Ah well…
[STEPHEN GAN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Attention Lara Stone, Lauren Hutton, Lily Donaldson, Lily Cole, Liya Kebede, Lonneke, and Lou Doillon:
You no longer have the attention of anyone on your IMG models page.
It’s a little sad, sure, but you’d better get used to it:
There’s a new comp card in town, and the girl on it could kick your campaign days back to when you posed for J. Crew and Miss Selfridge’s.
Let this be a lesson to you girls growing up:
All you need is eyeliner…
[LELANI BISHOP - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
