Imaginary Socialite

Once I had a crush on Chuck Klosterman, and don’t even get me started with that idea, but yes, okay, true.

We’d never met but I found him, in the way a barely legal and boldly bored girl can do, and I invited him over.

By “over” I mean, I invented a dinner party that wasn’t happening and asked if he’d like to come to my apartment - a trick I learned in 10th grade, when a guy friend told me he was going to a “dinner party at some woman’s house” - some woman he met in the parking lot at Whole Foods when he helped carry her groceries. “But when I got to her house, there were no other people,” he said, “And it was like really sketchy.” He was older than me but obviously not really, because he’d never seen The Graduate. Anyway, so that’s what I did with Chuck Klosterman.

And Chuck said, “I wish I could, but I have mono.”

And I said, “Well, gosh, at least you don’t have stereo.”

Chuck never rainchecked and then I met another guy, at an actual dinner party, and he told me he’d heard the story. And how Chuck couldn’t date a girl who made better slash worse puns than him. And that’s when I realized this guy was lying; he’d never heard the story, he just liked the millimeter of lace you could see from the edge of my jeans.

Anyway. For those of you keeping tabs on my life, perhaps this is what’s happening in a sentence: In the past week, I have pushed away three perfectly appropriate guys because they didn’t seem dangerous enough to my psyche, and also because I feel like being “The One That Got Away” could be better for my wardrobe / ego (circle one).

But I’m not sure reckless adventures are a renewable resource, so you know, that could change.

[TRENT REZNOR - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

To: ImaginarySocialite@gmail.com

From: Seriously@wtf.com

Dear Imaginary Socialite,

I am an avid reader of your blog, and, as we both share the same hatred towards The Dress That Won’t Die, I thought that you would appreciate this photo that one of my acquaintances on Facebook had in her photo album from camp.

Note this photo is also the cover of the Facebook album.

And look, it’s LL’s younger sister, Ali Lohan (second from the left).

Sincerely,

Someone whose name has been blotted out to protect the imminent wrath of Dina Lohan.

[CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Because my friends have places to go

My people have people to know

I’ve never seemed so remote…

I’m taking it easy, if it comes to be before the time, I’ve got a way…

[JESSICA STROUP - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

For the rest of you, the best address is ImaginarySocialite@gmail.com

[MICHAEL CERA - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

A partial list of celebrities in town for New York Fashion Week. Please note that celebrities don’t include models, even if they do to me…

Chloe Sevigny
Eva Amurri
Every chick, ever, on Gossip Girl
Justin Timberlake
Katie Holmes
Kate Hudson
Keira Knightley
Lauren Conrad
Liv Tyler
Lykke Li
Maggie Gylenhaal
Whitney Port

Also: MGMT is playing at two (and possibly three, actually) parties in the next ten days, making Time to Pretend the official song of Fashion Week (which is sort of a relief, after Umbrella last year…)

[RACHEL ANTONOFF - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

I went to Carroll Gardens today for a photo shoot. That was very exciting, but maybe not as exciting as seeing Michelle Williams push little Matilda past me in a stroller. In fact, I’m embarrassed at how exciting that was.

But perhaps one thing topped it all, at least in terms of what I remember:

The image of this woman and her Louis Vuitton on the subway is burned further in my mind than any celebrity moppet or even my own creative pursuits.

You see, the F train back to Manhattan was quite crowded - crowded to the point of annoyance. And yet, this woman insisted on taking up two seats, one for herself, and one for her LV Speedy.

Your first thought might be, “Wow, she’s really going out of her way to protect / promote that bag; it must be real.”

Which is funny, because my first thought might be, “Wow, only people with poor manners and judgment stretch out on the subway like that… and buy blatantly fake bags, too!”

Did you know my favorite lipgloss is called SNOB? It’s by M.A.C, I swear. Anyway, back to the issue: Real or Fake?

[CHARLOTTE RAMPLING - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Spotted:

The dress that won’t die.

In Soho.

Again.

Is there some sort of fashion zombie tribe emerging?

Stay tuned.

Oh, and one more thing: I have heard rumors that pre-baby, Jamie Lynn Spears was photographed wearing TDTWD. If anyone has photos of this, I implore you, send them over.

[PHILLIP LIM - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Wnat’s the best part of this “street style” photo of Clancy McCarty from Elle.com?

a) The sunglasses.

b) The hair.

c) The sneakers.

d) The fact that ELLE is using a Teen Vogue contributing editor as a shining example of style.

[GEOFF COTTRILL - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

[GEROME RAGNI - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Inevitably, this feature had to come back. Insanely, we thought of the perfect one this morning.

[LEILA ALI - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]