Imaginary Socialite

Blocked Call: {IMAGE FROM SMS PHOTO}

Imaginary Socialite: Shut up.

Blocked Call: It’s a good looking sign.

Imaginary Socialite: Indeed. But does it belong to you?

Blocked Call: Now it does… but for a price, it can belong to anyone. Our network has both signs and our network has an email for them: BeatriceSign@gmail.com

Imaginary Socialite: Wow. I don’t even want to know how you got it.

Blocked Call: A hot air balloon, a lock of MK Olsen’s hair, an underground circuit of Jack Siegel fans, a screwdriver from Duane Reade, a Matt Creed mixtape, and the fourth Misshape.

The crime of the century?

[SASHA GREY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

The girl on the right is a TGBT: A Too Good To Be True.

She’s adorable.

She’s rocking insanely cool heart-shaped shades.

She’s mastered the look of red lips in the day.

She’s dancing and not posing.

And she’s got a sweet Chanel purse.

But nothing’s ever this good - is it?

[ANNICK GOUTAL - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

1. You know what’s even more important than an Alex Wang bag? An Alex Wang wrist band. Girls, keep checking your mailboxes…

2. Beautiful baby socialite, we know what you did last night - because you left the underwear that your sister designs on the floor of Le Bain.

3. People read this blog besides Bevy?! WTF. Dude, calm down, your new cafe will be amazing. Breathe deep.

4. The City may be over, but ELLE on MTV apparently isn’t. Erin, are you ready for your next model-actress-employee? She’s cooler than OP, we swear.

5. Barely-teen Elle scores a high fashion ad campaign. Dakota for Marc was just the beginning. Wait, what?!

[LUCY HALE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Sky Ferreira, 17.

Mary Kate Olsen and Georgia Jagger have a baby.

Then they rip out Christina’s vocal chords.

And steal songs from Chrissie Hynde.

And produce them on Wii Music, before sticking them to a wall with Bubblicious gum.

That’s basically Sky. At least, until she changes her mind again.

[ANNIE LENNOX - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

We’ve loved the polite party boys of Locksley for quite some time now, but we haven’t seen them become the Monkee incarnation we always knew they could be.

It looks like Tommy and Andy Hilfiger are on the same page, though, because we hear that Locksley is the latest band to star in a Fall Hilfiger campaign.

Whether it’s for Tommy Hilfiger’s collection or for denim remains to be seen, but we hope they get a TV commercial - complete with their soundtrack - out of the deal.

After all, educating kids on well-fit clothing is good, but showing the nation a rock band that wasn’t born on American Idol… that’s fucking amazing.

[KATE BINGAMAN-BURT - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

WHICH singer’s sister just took an internship in the Topshop press department?

We bet she’ll be answering their t-t-t-telephone a lot.

Side note:

Why does Topshop keep getting all the coolest kids?!

Le sigh.

[SUSAN NAGEL - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

WHICH singing actress is a little too candid with cool members of the press?

Her teen magazine cover had a tres petit article to accompany it, because during her interview, all she wanted to talk about was how much she loves to smoke pot.

To be fair, we’d need some herbal calming, too, if we were so busy trying to be a huge, take-me-seriously starlet, with huge, take-me-seriously red carpet outfits to match.

[CHRIS KLEIN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

These heels are…

a) By Alexander Wang.

b) By Steve Madden.

c) By Jeffrey Campbell.

d) By the way, why don’t people ever think stuff can be vintage?

[LISA BONET - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Rumor Mill: A British fashion super power is ready to open a new US boutique.

But where will it be?

Los Angeles?

Miami?

Dallas?

Or somewhere closer to Millenium Park, the Art Institute, and major deep dish pizza?

Hey, don’t ask me - I’m just imaginary.

[SARAH BURTON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Strangely, though, they both have collections at TopShop.

[JENNY FELDMAN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Spotted on 18th Street:

A slate gray Miu Miu bag, complete with gold hardware, stressed strap, and very well-heeled owner. Literally.

But note the snow on the ground, and you’ll sense this picture was taken in the whiteout of winter - a.k.a. Barneys Warehouse Week. And this young miss is mere blocks from the hallowed (and heavily discounted) ground - and just two train stops away from Canal.

So given her proximity to both Faux Vuitton and $30 Rodarte, we need to ask:

This Miu Miu bag - real or fake?

[SARAH TREEM - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

1. Atlanta De Cadenet books RL with Bruce Weber. Mom is Amanda, dad is Duran Duran, stepmom is Juicy Couture, stepdad is in the Strokes. Um. Is this the birth of an American Georgia Jagger?

2. Wait, Desmond is on the plane with Jack?!

3. Designers hiring people to Twitter for them, as them. Especialy true of those craving @DVF status.

4. You know what’s awesome? Early ’90s hair bands. You know what’s also awesome? Rose Bar. Just saying.

[EMILIE DE RAVIN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Left: Anja Rubik, Vogue Nippon, this month. Right: Bette Franke, Stella McCartney skincare campaign, 2007. Both: The naked… and the lambed?

[JASIKA NICOLE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Rayna Cummings, stylist, has a game:

Take Tarot Cards.

Write your friends phone numbers on them.

Hand them out to random strangers around your age / city / iTunes bracket.

Watch what happens.

[CHRISTINA STEJSKAL - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

1. Penn Badgley’s pizza heroics downstairs at Cabin. Also, Lonely Boy, how’d you learn to eat so fast?!

2. So they’re reshooting that crazy portrait of the Factory Superstars. But with different people, supposed to represent the “new” versions. And the winners are…

3. Which young designer’s buying old Miu Miu for her new project? She’s basically deconstructing all the poof skirts, then remaking them in cheaper fabrics. Classy.

4. Having your rehab BFF close the show - super sweet.

[COCO BRANDOLINI - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]