1. Peaches, Pippa, and Courtney Love: The new fashion terror trio begins; long may they reign.
2. Anna’s assistant… again.
3. Who will be seated for the Amber Rose dinner? Besides The Sartorialist, I mean.
4. Claire Danes is exactly 10 years older her DJ! Which means that her DJ shouldn’t be in a bar, should she?
[JEFF TWEEDY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Dear Girl in a Bra,
Are you out of your mind?
a) Yes.
b) No.
If you circled B, then what the fuck are you doing wearing a strapless bra and nothing else into a public place?! On a night when it’s 45 degrees?! And those boots!
My fingers are crossed that you’re visiting a TopShop style advisor, pronto. Dear lord.
[STACY LONDON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
1) The unfortunate indie songstress who got food poisoning at Sir Phillip’s fancy dinner. Oh wait, so did the black-banged DJ and the super sweet web editor… ouch.
2) The Dandy Warhols playing a secret concert where? Let’s ask the Schnabel girls.
3) L-O-L-O-L-O-V-E shopping for something, or maybe someone, in NYC.
4) “Oh, yeah, I broke up with that girl right after I saw you.” Thanks, I really like you, but it takes more than half your cigarettes to get me into bed.
[PATTI STANGER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
This Balenciaga City bag is filled with empty “organic” pill bottles.
Were they taken to delude someone into thinking she was carrying a real Balenciaga bag?
Or swallowed to cope with the fact that, even in these times, she’d paid for a real Balenciaga bag?
Leave your guesses after the beep.
PS: Yes, that’s a bottle of Essie’s Quicksilver nail polish, and yes, it’s really better than the one from Chanel. An inconvenient truth, if ever there was one.
[JULIA FRAKES - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
1. Alec Baldwin’s hipster adoption program - good for one free plate of Szechuan coleslaw at Shang.
2. Lissy T + designer/ movie star = true love?
3. James Franco’s pretend crush on a girl. A girl in his writing class, I mean.
4. Proof that Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore are serious about this engagement thing: He’s giving up his apartment in Union Square to move in with her. You don’t mess with real estate unless it’s the real deal.
5. Bed Stuy is the new Beatrice.
[JOSH BROLIN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Same: accent, height, boarding school. Different: photographer, photographee.
[MEGAN DODDS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Dear TopShop,
Please adopt Tess Brokaw as your first American style advisor.
She is very nice and works very hard.
She is also routinely chased around the East Village by Terry Richardson, Olivier Zham, Jefferson Hack, and the blonde girl in Vena Cava.
Jaime Burke originally named the We Are One song “I love Tess,” but it didn’t really match the Calvin Klein ads so he had to change it.
Plus: she looks really good in ripped jeans. Which I understand is the standard uniform for TopShop style advisors.
I highly recommend her for this position, and in no way am tainted by the possibility of getting a discount on TopShop clothes.
Okay, maybe a little.
Okay, maybe a lot.
xoxo The Imaginary Socialite
[HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TESS BROKAW! VAN DER WOODSEN'S GOT NOTHING!]
Once upon a time, a girl went to Beatrice. Every Saturday. And pretty much every other day, too.
She was old enough to walk in heels but young enough to need a fake ID, although they never checked. She had a princess haircut.
She also had lots of friends who were boys, who were cute, who were straight, who were rich looking, who were despised by various door crews but especially and unwavering by the Beatrice guardians.
And one night, of course, those boys showed up.
The girl may have had a princess haircut, but she didn’t have a prayer when it came to getting three boys in Ted Baker inside.
And once the boys knew it, they pulled out their iPhones.
They called the police.
They said, “Hi, we’re at Beatrice and there’s underage girls inside drinking.”
And then all the girls had to run and hide in the bathroom.
Happily ever after?
Sure - unless you were the twentysomething on the dance floor, actually and really and sort of desperately needing to pee.
And also to check her lipstick, which was in major need of a re-apply…
[GEORGIA MAY JAGGER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
I thought Chanel bags would be cheaper in Paris.
I was wrong.
In fact, they’re more expensive because right now, the Euro is higher than Amy Winehouse.
Maybe that’s why I was so obsessed with the girls in France who actually had Chanel bags - and that was almost everyone.
Were they inherited? Were they gifted, in some sort of traditional Sweet Sixteen ceremony?
Or maybe, they’re just fake.
Sorry -
Faux.
[JULIE DEPARDIEU - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Things we believe after watching The Hills today…
*That Heidi might actually break up with Spencer.
*That Whitney might actually think she should party with rock bands.
*That Lauren might actually spend over an hour on her eye makeup.
*That Elodie might actually be as cool as Lo.
Things we can’t believe after watching The Hills today…
*How much those girls drink. On camera. With thirteen-year-olds addicted to their every move. Seriously.
[ALAIN DUCASSE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
My favorite comic books growing up were the big battles:
Superman vs. Batman
Flintsones vs. Jetsons
Betty vs. Veronica
So you can imagine my glee when I saw a Chanel bag on Saturday, crashing smack into a Forever 21 dress.
Was the $19.99 frock rubbing its shoulders against $1000 Italian leather?
Or was the bag made in a neighboring China factory?
We bet Veronica Lodge would win this bet…
[AMANDA FORTINI - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Reni, 18
Reni channels Chanel and licks lollies, but that’s just the beginning:
She’s actually also an almost pop star.
Her album debuts just before Irina Lazareanu’s does, and you know what that means:
Bangs are never going away.
Also, Sean Lennon will probably get a new MySpace crush, but that’s secondary.
[DOLLY JONES - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Yes, we know The Hills is back.
And though we were amused by…
*Lauren’s mom, who has a better body than any of the girls
*Whitney’s desk in the fashion closet
*Audrina telling Lauren she’s drunk (and admitting, for the first time ever, that the Laguna crew gets wasted)
*Audrina’s boyfriend looking/ acting/ creeping us out just like Jared Leto
…what really snagged our gut was when Spencer asked Brody for his credit card. To buy an engagement ring. In a strip mall.
Also, this photo, which seems to show Kristin Cavalieri, Lauren, and Heidi all looking like genuine friends.
And we thought Chloe Sevigny was getting the Emmy this year…
[LINLEE ALLEN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
A reader spotted The Dress That Won’t Die on her Caribbean holiday.
We can’t believe it wasn’t confiscated at the airport, and we’d like to issue a DTWD warning to future travelers:
When you go abroad, you’re not just representing yourselves - you’re representing American chicks everywhere.
We’ve already yielded major points for our country’s poor political leadership.
Do you really want the Chic Young Things of the world to think we can’t dress, either?
Please, for America’s sake, give up the outfit!
[RILA FUKUSHIMA - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Anna, 19
Parson’s FIT Phenom.
Party Poser.
Pretty Patient.
Pleased to meet you.
[AMANDA CUTTER BROOKS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]