1. Atlanta De Cadenet books RL with Bruce Weber. Mom is Amanda, dad is Duran Duran, stepmom is Juicy Couture, stepdad is in the Strokes. Um. Is this the birth of an American Georgia Jagger?

2. Wait, Desmond is on the plane with Jack?!

3. Designers hiring people to Twitter for them, as them. Especialy true of those craving @DVF status.

4. You know what’s awesome? Early ’90s hair bands. You know what’s also awesome? Rose Bar. Just saying.

[EMILIE DE RAVIN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

To: ImaginarySocialite@gmail.com
From: Waiting@ByThePhone.com

Hey

I see u have a shirt that said the socialite.

I was wounding were you got it?

What dose the back say?

Or if you were will to sell yours?

I would be happy to pay 35 for it or abit up…”

Thanks dear. The back says Find a time machine and zoom back to 2004. Alas, I think that’s the last time it’s been considered a compliment to be called a (real) socialite.

Today, an equivalent shirt might say “DJ with famous parents,” “It Girl with Agenda,” or, perhaps, “Surfer - Slash - Stylist.” Meanwhile, it seems “Underage Blogger” is already taken… and overpriced.

[IMELDA MARCOS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Spotted at Norwood last Friday night:

A very bright, very large Louis Vuitton duffel bag being carried instead of a purse by the young woman at left.

The puckered canvas and lopsided seams seem to indicate it’s a Canal Street staple.

But maybe it’s a real, live, hot blooded Vuitton, and just leaning so far left because it wants to get closer to her impossibly cool short-shorts?

[MANDY COON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Left: Anja Rubik, Vogue Nippon, this month. Right: Bette Franke, Stella McCartney skincare campaign, 2007. Both: The naked… and the lambed?

[JASIKA NICOLE - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

[FRANCESCA EASTWOOD - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Sometimes my hate’s like a lacquer.

It’s toxic and sludgy and slow. It’s gorgeous, and shiny, too. I poured it in the place between my lungs and my conscience so you can’t come between my breaths and my better decisions. I brushed it across the side of my stomach to stop me from shaking. I used it to seal up the snarls of my hair. I huff it before I sleep, and in the morning it’s heavy and sticky and sick. I wake sitting sideways, just in case I have to kick.

Sometimes my hate’s like a lip gloss.

It’s slippery and see-through and pink. It tastes the kind of happy that comes from a fake strawberry factory. I think it makes me prettier, but really it just keeps me too young to rein. Not that I’m aiming or anything.

Sometimes my hate’s like a laugh, the one you coughed out when I said, “I hate you” as if I were really saying, “Thanks for the wine” or “You’re funny,” or “I’m fine.” Like the laugh I gave you when you tried to kiss me afterward. And the one I kept faking all the way home.

Tonight I think my hate’s like a liquor - a little makes things fun, enough makes things easy, but stay with it all night and you wake up empty and ill.

I guess I’d rather not have it, but I like shiny things.

[ANNIE BAKER - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Watching her move in elliptical patterns

Think it’s not what you say; what you say is really complicated

For a minute I couldn’t tell how to fall out

It’s 20 seconds to the last call…

[DAMARIS LEWIS - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Hey New York Times, let’s have a quick chat.

Your Year in Ideas package was brilliant. Awesome. Like totally freak me out. Except for this one little thing:

You’re calling Heritage Chic the year’s biggest fashion phenom. Pendleton x Opening Ceremony is your big example. You end the article with a quote that says, “It’s not a trend, it’s more like a style. It’s basics.”

But your own internet is contradicting you, NYT! Just a few short clicks to the Opening Ceremony website, and you’ll see 34 styles of your beloved Heritage Chic - from OC x Pendleton, no less! - is on sale. Major sale. Get-this-stuff-out-of-the-store sale.

Is it because the stuff is insanely cool, but also tres cher?

Sure, that’s a big part of it. But before you run around calling something the fashion idea of the year, maybe you should check and see if your readers have actually bought any of it?

Just a thought. Also a thought: The red lipstick on this model is killer.

[JAKE GUEVARA - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]

Princess Dye: Hey, we’re in the emergency room.

Imaginary Soc: WHAT?!

Princess Dye: Our cab flipped over, but I think everyone’s okay.

Imaginary Soc: Oh my god…

Princess Dye: Everyone wore their seat belts, so… the doctors say it’s going to be fine. And I already warned them I’m a vampire, so they need to pay attention to my blood type.

Imaginary Soc: Oh yeah?

Princess Dye: Yeah, and also to pay attention to my hair, because it’s a little flat today. But other than that, we’re fine.

[GET WELL SOON KIDS. WEAR YOUR SEATBELTS.]

Ali, 25, follows a grand tradition of It Girls in majorette suits:

Minnie Mouse in Toon Tune

Vanessa Huxtable in The Cosby Show

Gwen Stefani in Hollaback Girl!

Anja Rubick in Balmain Fall ‘09

The difference?

Her Electric Parade skips Epcot and goes straight to the dance floor.

[PORTIA FREEMAN - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]