What’s the faux in this picture?
a) Clip on bangs.
b) False eyelashes.
c) Bizarrely enthusiastic backup DJ.
d) The vocals - she’s actually better than her tracks.
Please select your answer carefully; this counts on your final exam.
[MELANIE WARD - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Bevy, 27, has an emergency kit in her Chanel Bag.
The Contents:
Tequila
Cell Phone #2
A Polaroid Camera
Lip Gloss
Very Bad Info About Boys Who Piss Her Off
Band-aids? Peroxide? Whatever, this is a dance party.
[FRANCESCO BONAMI - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Things to do at Salman Rushdie’s House:
a) Teach him how to blog.
b) Discuss imperialist subtext in The Wizard Of Oz.
c) Finally ask him why he goes to so many fashion shows.
d) Watch reruns of Top Chef.
[ARUNDHATI ROY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
1. Chuck Close eschews models instead of stylists. But they still have to take off their clothes.
2. Remember when Freddie said he had a girlfriend? It wasn’t a plot line - he meant it. But who’d have guessed she was another fashion chick?!
3. The Beatrice reopens… in Miami… for Art Basel… no luck here though, at least not yet…
4. The Jane actually does reopen… count down from two weeks and you’ll be dancing (by yourself) in no time.
5. Momsen vs. Swift. Discuss.
[NINA DOBREV - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
There’s a new contest to win $700 worth of Stella McCartney underwear.
You just enter your name and contact information on Stella’s website, then wait until they pick the winner in December.
That’s lovely - until you realize the indigo bra and panty set at left is probably $700 worth of Stella McCartney altogether.
But hey - it’s all vegan…
[CHRIS GREENHALGH - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
The owner of this Gucci messenger bag was clad in mostly something else:
A head-to-toe, Latin-to-Calculus outfit cribbed exclusively from Rugby Ralph Lauren. Covered in skulls and cross-stitched in cashmere, his whole blue-and-cream existence waits for the blur of the L train to smear by and stop.
So what’s the deal with the Gucci pack?
Is it the only shade of ivory that matches Ralph’s top stitch? Is it an earmark for the eventual trade-in of those duck boots for G-stamped loafers? Or does it cost the same as a Metro Card?
[ROMY MADLEY CROFT - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Rayna Cummings, stylist, has a game:
Take Tarot Cards.
Write your friends phone numbers on them.
Hand them out to random strangers around your age / city / iTunes bracket.
Watch what happens.
[CHRISTINA STEJSKAL - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
What’s the best thing about this TopShop dress?
a) The sequins.
b) The long sleeves contrasted with the plunging neckline.
c) The pricetag.
d) The cleavage, that Kate inexplicably pulls out of nowhere for this shot.
Oh. My. Gosh.
[JOHNNY MAKEUP - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
1. Sienna’s Halloween party. Beware, boys with rented taco trucks.
2. The upcoming Purple spread on “New York’s new downtown,” to be gorgeous, exciting, cool… and featuring “New York’s usual downtown.” But you’re nobody ’til Olivier says so, right?
3. Hipsters take over the Boom Boom. Vote early, vote underage.
4. Georgia Jagger for Versace?! Bestill our fashion hearts; this is amazing.
[TOMMY TON - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
2 am at the Tribeca Grand. In a half hour, will these girls be crashing in their penthouse suite… or training it back to Brooklyn?
[SARAH RAMIREZ - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
One has cute clothes.
One has cute chimps.
Both seem fond of swirly colors and marshmallow pies.
But could Julian the Monkey really pull off the Liberty trench on Lily Cole?
Or maybe a better question: Can Lily make little kids smile like that?
[KATIE FOGARTY - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
To the boy who broke my bed:
I’ve thought about all the things I could do, but they don’t count. In this town, could and can are the same difference as my heart and yours, meaning: only one of them exists.
So all the coulds - the control copy paste, the photos, the facebooks, the fits - whatever. You’re more likely to wake up with a Louboutin in your ass than to see me behave like a girl in rage.
But you must know that I am. Enraged. In rage. All of it. I know you like pictures better than words, so let’s try this:
Imagine a backwards balcony scene where he says, “Sneak downstairs and kiss me, I’m in love with you,” and she does. Then imagine after the makeout, hazy in the lamppost and hot, he punches her. Hard. And kicks in her gut. His sneaker steps on her hand. And he leaves her, in the pink nightgown, spitting blood between lip gloss.
To the boy who broke my bed:
I put it back together. All by myself.
[CARLA BRUNI - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
1. Penn Badgley’s pizza heroics downstairs at Cabin. Also, Lonely Boy, how’d you learn to eat so fast?!
2. So they’re reshooting that crazy portrait of the Factory Superstars. But with different people, supposed to represent the “new” versions. And the winners are…
3. Which young designer’s buying old Miu Miu for her new project? She’s basically deconstructing all the poof skirts, then remaking them in cheaper fabrics. Classy.
4. Having your rehab BFF close the show - super sweet.
[COCO BRANDOLINI - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Paris Fashion Week is almost over, and with the invasion of double-digit months and double-back leather wedges comes a realization:
The Dress That Won’t Die may not be disappearing forever, but it’s definitely getting packed up and stashed with H&M bikinis, Converse for Target wedges, and those see-through t-shirts from American Apparel that everyone tried to pretend were from Alex Wang.
So let’s bid a fond “see ya” to TDTWD as it walks into the East Village sunset…
For now.
[PALOMA FAITH - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]
Laure, 28
After arriving from Paris, Laure promptly snuck into Rose Bar, claimed an apartment with a sunbathing roof, raided Urban Outfitters, fended off various annoying celebrities, and signed up for a pole dancing class.
Just another piece of the American Dream…
[CHRIS GREENHALGH - AM I THE IMAGINARY SOCIALITE?]